I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
