I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
