marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
