some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
