remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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