What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
