whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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