The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
