she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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