someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
