I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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