You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
