Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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