if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
