her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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