True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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