The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
