the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
