she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize