I wanna bring you to show and tell
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
