i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize