i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
