apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
