Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
