he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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