It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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