I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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