We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
