i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Mom said you looked used
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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