dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
