yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
