you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
