and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
