It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
