Buhtt sex?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
