we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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