I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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