There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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