I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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