Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
