Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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