I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
