He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
