i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
