Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
