i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
