I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Panties = found
Randomize
