I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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