Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Panties = found
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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