Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
