i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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