I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
