So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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