i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
