Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
