he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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