I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize