At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
