I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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