Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
