I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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