Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
