Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
