I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
