well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
