No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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