so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
