i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize