Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
