Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
