Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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