So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
