my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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